Monthly Archives: May 2012

Living Real

This point that I bring up has been one of the many points that drives my life. It is living real. What is living real? Living real is being open and honest in your life about your life. I think that many people struggle living their lives real, whether they are gay or straight. What I am not saying is I am not saying to just speak your mind with no filter. As humans, we live in extremes. As I experience life more and more, I see that we need to find balance in all that we do. In balance we find peace and prosperity. We need to know our boundaries in what we tell the different people in our lives but we need to live transparent lives when we know we can. Healthy and successful relationships are relationships that can open and honest with each other.

Personally, I feel obligated to live real, when it comes to my sexuality, for all of the people who are struggling with their sexuality so that they can know that there is hope around the corner and that they are not alone. Christians make gay people feel like they are less of a person because they are gay, that they are broken and in need of being fixed when this is not the case. Over and over again we see that sexual orientation cannot be changed. Sure, a person can choose to be with a person of the opposite sex over a person of the same sex but you cannot get rid of the attractions. A gay man is defined as having attractions to other men. If a gay man chooses to live a straight life but still has attractions to men, he is still gay. Nothing has changed. He just denies himself of his true sexual orientation.

This week, we saw a pastor in North Carolina preach that he would build an electric fence and put all of the gay men and lesbians inside so that eventually they would all die out. The world would be saved from the horrible thing that is gay people. What he says is out of ignorance. Gay people are always going to be gay and there will always be more people born in the world that will have a gay sexual orientation. No one chooses their sexual orientation. It is programed into them by God. As gay men and gay Christian men, we need to live real and speak out about who we are. We need to show people that what they are believing is not true. It is lies and hate that try to hurt and destroy. Has this pastor ever talked with a gay man and heard of the hurt and pain that he has gone through in his life? Taken the time to get to know him as a person and not just as a stereotype or as a disease? Probably not unfortunately. Some people are just too set into their ways and too hard hearted but there is still hope for him. We, as gay Christian men, need to pray for him, and people like him, that God will reveal to him that the hate that he is preaching and spreading is wrong. In the Bible, Jesus was criticized for eating and being around the sick, the beggars, and tax collectors – the lowest people of the society. In today’s culture, if Jesus were on the earth He would eat and fellowship with the gay people, not hate on them and judge them for their “sin”. Have we forgotten that as Christians we are supposed to become more and more like Christ? Did Christ ever hate anyone? No. Then why are we hating gay people for who they are? No one should.

I encourage you to live your life real. One thing I have always wondered is how many gay men are there in the United States. With the society, there are gay men who do not feel comfortable revealing their sexual orientation and I respect that. Every gay man should be able to come out when they are personally ready to come out. For me, I wanted to be out and not live the lie I was living but I was not ready to talk to my parents about it, who do not accept me as their gay son. (My dad has even said that he sees me as a straight guy even though I have always been different than my brothers.) I caution you to make sure you are ready to talk about it when you do come out. Living a honest life is the best way to live you life. Even if you do not agree with being in a relationship with another man or having sex with another man, you deserve to come out and say “I have attractions to other men.” for you and for your fellow gay brothers. For those of you who are younger like I am and think that marrying a girl will make you change your sexual orientation, it will not. It will just give you more problems. If you get nothing out of this post, get this. Save yourself the hurt and the pain and do not marry a woman if you know you have attractions to other men. To those of you who are married to a woman and possibly have kids, I feel for you. You really tried to do the best you could and it just did not work out. I cannot help you as I do not believe that God favors ending a marriage in divorce but my heart goes out to you and I will pray for you that God gets you through and gives you strength. That is why it is so important to really know who you are before you marry someone.

When it comes to your sexual orientation and other women, if you are a guy who is gay but does not want to live out his sexual orientation be open and honest with the women you date that you do have attractions for other men. You owe it to her and you owe it to yourself. If you do not tell her, she will know. All secrets come into the light eventually. For me, I know I cannot be with a woman because I know I cannot give her everything she needs. She would see through talking with other wives that I would not do all the things that a straight guy would do for their wives and that I did not love her as much as their husbands loved them because I love other men. She would always wonder why I could never measure up to other men. God created sex to be wonderful and perfect under His guidelines. Sex for us would be a chore. I would not enjoy it and that would make her not enjoy it. I would wreck her life being with her and I know she deserves to be with a man that can love her fully and completely. I am not that man.

Let us defeat the ignorance of gay people together. Though it may be hard, justice needs to be served. Too many gay teens have killed themselves because they could not live in a world full of hate. We need to show them that there is hope and a place for them in this world. I challenge you to be open and willing to tell others about your life and your experiences as a gay Christian man.

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The Movement of Christ

I was originally going to post today about a different topic but God really showed me an important truth that I feel called to share.

This morning, like every Sunday morning, I attend church with my family. In service, the new head of Missions gave a PowerPoint presentation about missions and his vision for the future. Our previous pastor, who was called into missions, also spoke on what he was currently doing in his ministry/missions outreach. Also, all this week, I have been watching Andy Stanley’s series entitled “Big Church”. One of the main points that he addresses is that Christianity is a movement and not just people and church buildings. People and churches can become inwardly focused on themselves when they should strive to continue impacting the world around them and bringing people in who do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ. All of this to say, I do not believe that we need churches to make an impact for Jesus Christ. God has called us to be good stewards with our money and to use our money to further His Kingdom. We do not have to give it to our local churches if we do not agree with the direction they are going. It is a wonderful opportunity for God to be able to provide for us a way to gain wealth so that we can decide what we do with that wealth He has so graciously given us. Do not feel like you have to give to your local church if you do not feel called to do that. Give to something that you are passionate about, that God has given you a passion for that furthers His Kingdom. For me personally, I support some well known pastors and an organization that helps gay Christians with their sexuality and faith. Another point that Andy Stanley has made, I do not remember what message of his it was in, is that when we give our money to some cause, we have more connection to it and are more involved with it because we are putting something into it that we have worked hard for. Many people say that we need the local church and I agree with that. We need places where people can go, connect with God, and grow deeper in their faith. But churches can also become corrupt just like anything else. Being a gay Christian man in a conservative community church, I am not accepted for who I am. I attend there because my parents want their family to all go to the same church. I am torn because I have talked with the pastor and he supports me though he does not support acting out my attractions and feelings. I support him but not the church that he leads. I have not given anything financially to the church I attend because I am torn and do not feel a peace about it . I do not want to support a place where people hurt others over their sexual orientation. There has been enough hurt and pain, I will not support any more. I encourage Christians to support whatever is helping them to grow spiritually. Whether it be a pastor online or a Christian book or anything else.

With church the way it is in the 21st century, I do not think being a part of a church body is mandatory for a Christian. For some, it is necessary for them to grow spiritually, be encouraged, and be discipled by other Christians. With technology, we are able to do many things we could not do before. The most important thing is that a person surrounds themselves with Christians that they can learn from and gain wisdom from. At the right time, they should also be passing down their wisdom and guidance to one that is younger.

I am not saying that being a part of a church is wrong. With so many options available to us in this day and age, take advantage of them. We do not have to live in a mold just because it has been done this way for a long time. Find something that helps you grow and connect with God and stick with it. Everyone is different and everyone has a different way of connecting with God. I would not want someone to go to church and go through the motions every Sunday just because that is what they had always done and get nothing out of it. The point is not what you do, it is that you are growing deeper in faith and in Christ.

I feel God has called me to further His Movement, to continue to spread the love of Christ to gay Christian men. This blog is only the first step in accomplishing that goal. God has given me many more ideas that, if He allows, I will be able to be a part of and reach gay Christian men with His love. If you feel so lead, please pray that God would continue to work in me and that He would give me the strength and the resources to fulfill His will for me in my part of His Movement.

May God continue to bless you beyond more than you could ever imagine,

Josh


Update: Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

I had posted in my “Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is” post about a company who was using porn stars and porn to sell their underwear. Finally, I have come to the conclusion that I will not put any more money, that God has given me, into a company that uses porn as a way to advertise their product. (The company is continuing to use porn in their advertising videos.)  The design of their product is stylish and brilliant but I could easily find similar styles somewhere else that does not compromise my beliefs. Honestly, I feel too strongly about gay porn being gay men’s downfall and that is why I will not support this company financially.

News: Be on the lookout for another post on Sunday! Also, thank you all so much for the views that I have been receiving. I really appreciate that. It is a shame that the “Reader” of WordPress is not fully functioning but I am still getting a good amount of views from all of you. Thank you and hopefully WordPress will be able to fix this glitch soon. Personally, I would love to be able to read other blogs and what they have to say but my “Reader” currently does not work.

Have a great week!

-Josh


Redefining the Stereotype

We see the stereotype of gay men all around us. Men wearing colorful clothing and makeup driven by their sexual desires like animals; promiscuous and not giving a care about the consequences. For the most part, that would sum up the gay community. I suggest and challenge us as gay Christian men to redefine that stereotype that is put on gay men and the gay community. As gay men, we can become so consumed with our sexuality that it takes over our lives and ultimately ruins us as people. A successful person has balance to their life in every area. They do not have too little of one thing or too much of another thing. This is a constant evaluation of ourselves to make sure that we are balanced individuals and balanced gay Christian men. When we are out of balance, we hurt ourselves one way or another. As well as looking for a potential boyfriend/husband, make sure you are taking care of yourself when it comes to your career, your spirituality, your needs, and your interests/hobbies. It is never a bad thing to be a well rounded person.

The problem we see with the gay community as a whole is many of the gay men let their penises lead their lives. God created us with a mind and a way to reason. He also made emotions and feelings. When gay men live their lives out simply by their penises and what feels good, they are blocking out all possible thought and rationale. It does not matter if there is a possibility of me contracting HIV from this guy I am having sex with because it feels good and my penis wants it. We were created to be better humans than just horny guys having sex whenever we please.

In society, Christians have gotten a bad wrap for being hypocrites and many people have turned away from church and Christianity because of it. For example, many people do not understand why Christians can be so hateful to gay people when Jesus loves everyone and commands Christians to love one another. As gay Christian men, my hope would be that we would strive to not be hypocritical Christians. Sure, there will be times when we will mess up and make a mistake but we get back up and try again. We all are human and all are fallible. Would it not be wonderful to see all of the gay Christian men living for God so that it would cause the Christians to get their act together? Being an example for the Church on how to live? I encourage you to do everything for God with excellence. Be the best you you could ever be. It is so easy for us to compare ourselves to other people. When we do that, every time we are bound to come up short somewhere. Why put yourself down when you could be building yourself up, building others up, and making a difference in the world? God has a specific plan for each and every one of our lives. It is specifically designed for us. To look at what someone else has and envy them for that is foolish because God has a better plan that He designed for you. God’s best for someone else is not always the best for you. If you want something that you see someone else has, pray about it and God will show you if He wants you to have it or not.

Above all, be yourself. Confidence in yourself is attractive to anyone. People want to be friends with people who are confident in themselves. If you are the type of guy who likes to be more feminine and wear make-up and dresses, go right ahead if that is who you are. We should never be ashamed of who God made us to be. God does not want us to live lives of fear. He wants us to be confident because of who we are in Him and who He created us to be.

-Josh


What Would You Like To See?

Since I feel this blog should be applicable and relevant to its readers, I would like to ask: What would you like to see from this blog? What topics would you like me to cover? Being a 19 year old gay Christian man who has only been in a relationship for a week so far, I do not have much knowledge on many topics when it comes to being a gay Christian but I would love to come at these from an open and honest perspective. I would love to learn about these topics alongside you.

Feel free to post a comment on your ideas or feel free to e-mail me your ideas at gayeveryday@gmail.com. Thanks!

I will have a new post added tomorrow.

-Josh


Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Recently I was caught in a dilemma. I had found a gay clothing company that specializes in underwear but has other clothes items and accessories as well. (I will keep the company name anonymous.)  Out of curiosity for their product, I bought two pairs of underwear from them at different times. I was really happy with what I received and was completely satisfied with their product. After purchasing both pairs of underwear, the company released a promotional video. Periodically, this company releases videos that have some story line and include guys wearing their product(s) to promote them. They always have a censored version and an uncensored version of each of their videos. In their newest video release, this company decided to hire some gay porn stars to do the video. Also, the uncensored video contained frontal nudity of one of the guys in the video. This put me in a tough place. I really like this company’s product but I do not agree with the way they were advertising because of my beliefs as a gay Christian.

I disagree with this company allowing frontal nudity of one of their models for many reasons. It causes other men to lust because of seeing this video. It promotes the promiscuity that has become the stereotype for gay men. It hurts the relationship between our boyfriend/husband when we lust after other men. God, in the Bible, has asked us to be set apart from the world. This is not because we are better than everyone else or that He is simply not allowing us to do something. In everything God asks us to do, there is a reason why and most of the time, the reason is to protect us. God tells us not to lust or to participate in activities that cause a person to lust because ultimately that hurts the person and it hurts the person’s boyfriend/husband. My goal for this blog is to help and encourage other gay men in their faith. I would really like to create a group of gay men that believe God made them gay for a reason and that are willing to give up the worldly things of the gay community to be obedient to God but also to experience the freedom and blessing because of not indulging in those things. When we obey God, we find freedom and blessing from Him. I have made a decision to not fall into the traps that the worldly gay community fall into and to choose something better. Though it may be hard to live out the principles of the Bible that God has set before us, we have other gay Christian men going through the same thing that we can come alongside and gain wisdom and encouragement from on our journey.

Gay Brothers – Please hear me out on this. In coming to a conclusion on our sexuality, sometimes gay Christian men just dismiss the traditional view that being gay is wrong and the verses of the Bible that are used to condemn “homosexuality” but they do not have a reason for why the Bible says what it says. This can lead to gay Christian men picking and choosing what they believe from the Bible. This is a very dangerous thing! In Revelation 3:15-16, the Bible says “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!  But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” (NLT). These verses tell us that God does not like us being lukewarm, following some of His commands and not others. As Christians, we are either all in or all out. I challenge you to be an all in gay Christian man. I have already decided to be all in. Even if there are things in the Bible that you disagree with, I would ask you to try them out. Give God a chance to work in your life. I promise He will do things that you never could imagine.

Coming back to my underwear situation, I see that the price of their items are more expensive so that they can pay for all of these models to do their video advertisements. Maybe the answer is to buy their products from a discount underwear store so that they can be payed for their product and I am not paying for the creation of videos that I disagree with or promoting gay porn.  I am just continuing to seek God in what He would have me do in the future. Even something as small as what company you buy your underwear from, make God a part of your whole life allowing Him into everything you do.

The purpose of this post and the title “Putting Your Money Where Your Mouth Is” is to encourage gay Christian men to be good stewards with the money that God has given them. I encourage you to know who and what you are supporting when buying a certain product. An example of this is NOM’s (National Organization for Marriage) Dump Starbucks Campaign. It is a campaign promoting not buying products from Starbucks because of their support for same-sex marriage. While I do not think it is my place to give you a list of companies that are against same-sex marriage because it would only cause hate to those companies, I would encourage you to do your own research and choose for yourself what companies you support and do not support.

To go a step further, I would hope and pray that you would continue to invest in your spiritual life. Whether it be buying Christian resources to help you  further your faith or tithing to your local church or even giving money to ministries who give aid and resources to those in need. I would encourage you to reach out to others with what God has given to you. Have a sit down with yourself and evaluate where your money is going. Am I glorifying God with my spending? Would He be happy with what I have been spending my money on? What areas of my spending needs to cut because they are not glorifying God? What areas of spending could be redirected to glorify God? To those men who do not currently have a job right now and are looking for one, I hope you would keep these principles in mind. Also, to those who are having a hard time with money, do not feel you have to give more than would be good for you. We see in the Bible that it is not about how much we give, it is about our heart attitude towards how we give. God wants us to be happy and willing to give. When it comes to the whole topic of money and finances, pray that God would show you what he would have to do, what you buy, what you support and how much, and that you would continue to be a good steward with the money that He has given you. When you do well with the little that God has given you, there’s room for blessing to occur. Sometimes it is not money that God wants us to give, it is time. Maybe money is tight but there is always the option of giving time to a cause or completing a task that needs to be done in order to serve God. Do not think that just because money is tight that there are no ways to serve God.

Keep in mind that, whether gay or straight, we should not live beyond our boundaries financially. I know being gay can be expensive but we need to live under what God has provided for us. Another way that we can be set apart for God is by staying out of debt. May every gay Christian man find a way to get out of debt or stay out of debt so that they may be an example, a light to the world in times of a bad economy and debt galore.

If you are looking to “invest” in me and my blog, please feel free to send me an e-mail (gayeveryday@gmail.com) and let me know how my blog has impacted your life. Other ways would be to share this blog with your other gay Christian friends or to pray for me that God would continue to give me wisdom and knowledge as I continue to post what God is showing me in my life. Thanks!

If you don’t have a relationship with God yet or you are on the fence about becoming a Christian for whatever reason(s), feel free to e-mail me and I would be more than happy to talk with you.

Just a piece of business I’d like to share with all of my readers: Currently I will be posting a new post every Sunday to keep the blog fresh and current. Be on the lookout every Sunday for new content.

I wish everyone has a wonderful week ahead.

God Bless,

Josh