Living Real

This point that I bring up has been one of the many points that drives my life. It is living real. What is living real? Living real is being open and honest in your life about your life. I think that many people struggle living their lives real, whether they are gay or straight. What I am not saying is I am not saying to just speak your mind with no filter. As humans, we live in extremes. As I experience life more and more, I see that we need to find balance in all that we do. In balance we find peace and prosperity. We need to know our boundaries in what we tell the different people in our lives but we need to live transparent lives when we know we can. Healthy and successful relationships are relationships that can open and honest with each other.

Personally, I feel obligated to live real, when it comes to my sexuality, for all of the people who are struggling with their sexuality so that they can know that there is hope around the corner and that they are not alone. Christians make gay people feel like they are less of a person because they are gay, that they are broken and in need of being fixed when this is not the case. Over and over again we see that sexual orientation cannot be changed. Sure, a person can choose to be with a person of the opposite sex over a person of the same sex but you cannot get rid of the attractions. A gay man is defined as having attractions to other men. If a gay man chooses to live a straight life but still has attractions to men, he is still gay. Nothing has changed. He just denies himself of his true sexual orientation.

This week, we saw a pastor in North Carolina preach that he would build an electric fence and put all of the gay men and lesbians inside so that eventually they would all die out. The world would be saved from the horrible thing that is gay people. What he says is out of ignorance. Gay people are always going to be gay and there will always be more people born in the world that will have a gay sexual orientation. No one chooses their sexual orientation. It is programed into them by God. As gay men and gay Christian men, we need to live real and speak out about who we are. We need to show people that what they are believing is not true. It is lies and hate that try to hurt and destroy. Has this pastor ever talked with a gay man and heard of the hurt and pain that he has gone through in his life? Taken the time to get to know him as a person and not just as a stereotype or as a disease? Probably not unfortunately. Some people are just too set into their ways and too hard hearted but there is still hope for him. We, as gay Christian men, need to pray for him, and people like him, that God will reveal to him that the hate that he is preaching and spreading is wrong. In the Bible, Jesus was criticized for eating and being around the sick, the beggars, and tax collectors – the lowest people of the society. In today’s culture, if Jesus were on the earth He would eat and fellowship with the gay people, not hate on them and judge them for their “sin”. Have we forgotten that as Christians we are supposed to become more and more like Christ? Did Christ ever hate anyone? No. Then why are we hating gay people for who they are? No one should.

I encourage you to live your life real. One thing I have always wondered is how many gay men are there in the United States. With the society, there are gay men who do not feel comfortable revealing their sexual orientation and I respect that. Every gay man should be able to come out when they are personally ready to come out. For me, I wanted to be out and not live the lie I was living but I was not ready to talk to my parents about it, who do not accept me as their gay son. (My dad has even said that he sees me as a straight guy even though I have always been different than my brothers.) I caution you to make sure you are ready to talk about it when you do come out. Living a honest life is the best way to live you life. Even if you do not agree with being in a relationship with another man or having sex with another man, you deserve to come out and say “I have attractions to other men.” for you and for your fellow gay brothers. For those of you who are younger like I am and think that marrying a girl will make you change your sexual orientation, it will not. It will just give you more problems. If you get nothing out of this post, get this. Save yourself the hurt and the pain and do not marry a woman if you know you have attractions to other men. To those of you who are married to a woman and possibly have kids, I feel for you. You really tried to do the best you could and it just did not work out. I cannot help you as I do not believe that God favors ending a marriage in divorce but my heart goes out to you and I will pray for you that God gets you through and gives you strength. That is why it is so important to really know who you are before you marry someone.

When it comes to your sexual orientation and other women, if you are a guy who is gay but does not want to live out his sexual orientation be open and honest with the women you date that you do have attractions for other men. You owe it to her and you owe it to yourself. If you do not tell her, she will know. All secrets come into the light eventually. For me, I know I cannot be with a woman because I know I cannot give her everything she needs. She would see through talking with other wives that I would not do all the things that a straight guy would do for their wives and that I did not love her as much as their husbands loved them because I love other men. She would always wonder why I could never measure up to other men. God created sex to be wonderful and perfect under His guidelines. Sex for us would be a chore. I would not enjoy it and that would make her not enjoy it. I would wreck her life being with her and I know she deserves to be with a man that can love her fully and completely. I am not that man.

Let us defeat the ignorance of gay people together. Though it may be hard, justice needs to be served. Too many gay teens have killed themselves because they could not live in a world full of hate. We need to show them that there is hope and a place for them in this world. I challenge you to be open and willing to tell others about your life and your experiences as a gay Christian man.

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4 responses to “Living Real

  • sister in Christ

    Choosing not to act on your desires doesn’t mean your choosing not to “live real” it means that you are choosing to LIVE for Christ, and that is more powerful and more real than anything you could ever imagine!! If your desire is to be with a man, being with a women isn’t the “cure”. The ANSWER is always Christ. When you put all of your trust into the Lord you couldn’t fathom what He can do in your life or who He will bring into your life. Your desire to live for Christ should outweigh all others. Let the only man you date be Christ and see how He works in you!! with love and prayers, your sister in Christ!! Be blessed!

    • jmtromm

      The point I am making is living real is to live in truth. Some Christians do not want to think that they have people among them in church that have a gay sexual orientation. They just want the topic to go away so they ignore it. This does nothing to help the matter. For example, my dad does not believe that I am even gay, that I have attractions to other men. This creates a barrier between my dad and I. He denies the truth that I do have attractions to other men. It allows for no healing or communication to take place on the topic. Some churches do not even like people who are struggling with their sexuality, those who do not act on their sexuality but are looking for answers and solutions to the problems they are experiencing.
      I support gay men who believe that they should remain celibate for the rest of their lives though personally this is not what I believe nor how I live my life. They are doing their best to live a holy and pleasing life for God, just as I am. God has shown me that it is okay for me to be a gay Christian and to act on my sexuality.

  • sister in Christ

    Don’t be afraid to suffer for the Lord. Read Philippians 1:29-30.

    • jmtromm

      It depends on the way the word “suffer” is defined. God promises us trials and hardship because of our faith in Him.

      To say though that I should live a miserable life because I am gay and have to fight my attractions to other men, I would have to disagree with. There will be trails and hardships in our lives but at the same time we are God’s children whom He loves. He wants us to enjoy our lives. God blesses us with good gifts. I do not believe that God wants us to live in guilt, shame, and misery our whole lives.

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