Something that has really impacted my life in a positive way is changing the way I think. I would not have gotten out of the mindset that I was in and start the healing process of accepting who God had made me to be if it was not for changing the way that I thought.
In August of 2011, I started watching Joyce Meyer’s television program “Enjoying Everyday Life” online. One of the things that she taught about was thinking. I had never heard before that I could choose what I thought. That was so revolutionary to me. One thing that she said that will stay with me for the rest of my life is starting my day right thought wise. Every morning when she would wake up, she would tell herself “Something good is going to happen to me today.” I have personally tried this and it really does set yourself up to think positively. To make it more personal, I put a song with it as well. “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story.
When we are looking for God and His blessing(s) in our lives by thinking that something good is going to happen to us, we will find them a lot easier than if we only focus on the negative areas in our lives. God loves us and wants to bless us. Even if the something good that happened was something small, it was still something good and we should not downgrade that. It is like the saying “Every cloud has a silver lining.” Though our life may not be going in the direction we would like it to or we are just going through a rough time, there is always good. We just have to be willing and open to look for it. That willingness and openness comes from a positive attitude.
As gay men, we can be very judgmental and critical of ourselves and the world around us. God has shown me that there is a time and place for being critical but when we are critical all the time and judging every little thing, we loose the joy of life. We loose the opportunity to just sit back and enjoy something for what it is.
We see in the news and media all of these negative actions and events happening. Let this not discourage us but see it as an opportunity to reach out and make a difference in the world and in the lives of other people. Feel free to get rid of or limit yourself of people and things that cause negativity in your life. Maybe you only turn on the news sometimes or are open to talking to someone who is really critical every once in a while. I am not saying to be rude to this person, just set your boundaries. Still be willing to impact their life positively with your involvement but do not feel like negativity cannot be avoided.
In my freshman year of college, I really struggled with my sexuality. There were a lot of lies I believed at the time and honestly I was very naive about life and the world. I attended a Christian liberal arts university out of state. While attending there and living in a dorm, I was continually reminded that I was different than the other guys. I was gay. I felt the walls closing in all around me because the university did not approve of me or my sexual orientation. I felt alone. I did not think there would be any other people who could relate with me. I am glad that I was wrong. The end of the first semester I meet a guy who was bisexual in which we talked and worked through issues that I was dealing with. A big lie that had believed was that God condemned me to be gay and I was just going to Hell. I had no say in the matter, that was just how it was. God broke down this mentality in my life through being able to talk with this friend. I want all of the gay men and gay Christian men reading this to know that God loves you so much, even with your attractions to other men. God is a God of love. Do not get caught up in the battle between sexuality and faith. Sure, it is a rough journey but it does not have to be a stumbling block in your life and steal all of your joy.
Earlier in my childhood, my parents thought that I was depressed so they took me to the doctor and prescribed me a prescription. At the time I did not know I was gay and yet I was having all of these problems with other guys in my life. I honestly did not think I was depressed but my parents made me go through it. I do not believe I was ever depressed. The depression that my parents saw was just a lack of me seeing a way out, seeing something better in the future ,hope that things could get better. I only took the medication for about half of the time I was supposed to and my parents saw improvements but I felt the same. I do not know what the medication did to me but I was not depressed, as in being clinically depressed. Everyone gets down on their lives at times and that is what I was going through. I am not saying that everyone who is diagnosed as clinically depressed is not if they are gay. I would ask yourself though “Do you see a light at the end of the tunnel? Do you have hope for a better future?” Maybe our situations are similar. I do not want anyone to feel like they have no way out. That there is no hope left for them. When hope is lost in someone’s life, things get scary and difficult. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, know I am here for you. Feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
God helped me to see the truth when it came to me and my sexuality. Though it was (and is) a rough journey, He got me through the hard times of my past. One thing I did and continuous do is ask Him for guidance and wisdom when it comes to my sexuality. I do not feel I will ever been done with the journey of my sexuality until I die but God can and will help me through it and use it for good in the end.
Everyday we make a choice when we wake up: Are we going to seek out the positive things in life or are we going to let the negative things way down on us. Let us choose to think positively.