The topic of “The Closet” has come up recently in my own personal life and in my friendship/relationship. The phrase “coming out of the closet” is defined as a person revealing to others that they themselves are gay (or another sexual orientation than straight). Through my experiences, I have come to realize that “coming out” is a continuous process. As gay men, there are many closets we have to choose to come out of. I have been out as a gay man for a little over a year now. I have posted that I like men on Facebook, liked pages related to gay men and gay issues, and even wrote statuses on the injustice towards gay men. I have realized though that I have chosen what closets to come out of because of concern from my safety, emotional stability, and lack of conflict. With currently living at home with my parents who do not accept me for being gay nor believe that I am gay, in order to figure out more of myself I have to go behind their backs. I do not like lying to them but at the same time I need to find clarity and understanding when it comes to my sexuality. This situation makes me hide who I am and what I do so that negative consequences do not arise. At this time I am paying off college debt and looking at another college to finish my degree. I would move out but I do not have the financial stability of doing that.
From my personal experience, I know that there are gay men who want to choose to always be out and proud but for whatever reason they are kept from opening all or certain closets that would reveal “their secret”. To all the gay men who are out and continue to choose to be out, please understand the different situations that your fellow gay brothers are in. It may take time to come all the way out but they are working on it. Of any people, it is us gay men that should understand what they are going through and be compassionate and willing to help any way we can. There is too much hate and negativity in the world when it comes to gay people that gay men should not be downgrading and discouraged by other gay men. Many of the requirements to be accepted into the gay community I do not agree with and only cause more hurt and pain to the people that do not fit them. In the gay community, there is downgrading because some gay men are more feminine than others. The most masculine gay men dominate the gay community. In the message of love and acceptance of gay people to the world, why can’t we live that out as well to our fellow gay brothers and accept them for being more feminine than us or even just as feminine as us. There is also gay men who look down on other gay men because they are bottoms. As gay men, we want to be the most masculine we can and try to fit in with straight men. I have learned from experience that gay men will never be fully accepted by straight men. We are different and that is not a bad thing. Gay men do not choose what they like when it comes to being in the bedroom. It is just like our sexuality. A gay man’s personal likes and dislikes are given to him. Sure, he could do whatever he wanted but some things just give him more pleasure than others. Gay men who bottom should not be looked down upon because gay men who top see them as less masculine. I think that every gay man should bottom at least once to know if it is for them or not. If they are too macho to do that than they do not deserve to have sex at all.
I had the opportunity to meet my first guy I was interested in and hangout around the town square. His name is Aaron. It was a little bit frustrating being with him and not being able to have the physical contact that other gay men would have as they go on a date. I needed to watch myself so that no one who knew me would see anything and have it get back to my parents that I was meeting another guy. He was really good in not having much physical contact and respecting my boundaries because of my parents. I really wanted to have the physical contact with him but my relationship with my parents and my emotional stability is more important than risking being gay in public.
There are gay men all over the world struggling with their sexuality and I would like to lift up a prayer for them.
I thank you for all of the blessings and joy You have given us in our lives as gay men. I thank you as well for all the pain and sorrow. Though going through those times was (and is) rough, we would not be the same people if we had not. In the hard times, You show us more about ourselves and more about You. You love us through the hard times and always get us through. I pray for all of the gay men in the world struggling with their sexuality. May You give each and everyone of them strength and encouragement in their time of need. Keep them safe and protect them from harm. I hope and pray that they would come to You with all of their hurt and pain and find rest and peace in You. Open doors and opportunities for them to receive help and people in their personal lives who understand what they are going through. Give them strength to be able to come out as having attractions to other men and strength to continue to come through every closet that they need to go through. No matter what, You are always with them and are always there for them. May they see You and feel You in their time of need. May they know it is You and come to You for renewal and protection. May these gay men find favor with other people who accept them for who they are and be able to build a community of support that is so greatly needed in every gay man’s life. Living life as a gay man is hard but living as a gay Christian man is even harder. Give us the strength to continue to follow You and obey Your commands.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Have a blessed week ahead!