The Depth of Gay Porn

Is gay porn hurting the gay man watching it? Is the gay men in the video being hurt by making the video? Recently, I have been thinking about the effects of gay porn on people’s lives as I struggle to not fall into watching it. I have struggled with watching porn since I was ten years old after I was abused by my father. It was a way to be accepted for me at that age. To have the love from someone else even if that person was not my dad. I looked at men naked and knew I was different but never knew I was gay. I did not know the word gay or what it meant. As I have grown older, I used gay porn to compare straight sex to gay sex in trying to better understand my sexuality and faith. A big reason that I fall into watching it is because I am lonely. While I am still living at home, I cannot have a boyfriend. God tells me that I need to honor my parents  and that is following their rules though my beliefs are different than theirs. A way that I feel loved is through physical touch. Rarely do I ever receive physical touch. My family just does not respond that way very much. There are times when my dad will show that he loves me through physical touch but I do not like it. I do not like it because it is confusing and awkward. He expresses his physical touch to me the way a boyfriend/husband would: kissing me on the head, coming up behind me and hugging me. When we do hug, like any straight guy, his hugs are really rough and tough. Being a gay man, I like them gentle though it still satisfies my need for physical touch though I do not always like it. For a while, when he would hug me, I would just hold my breath because the hug was too tight. It was wonderful to have a male friend who was bisexual at college that I could talk to and was willing to hug me when I needed it. Now that I am home, I do not have an outlet for physical touch.

Is gay sex with multiple partners satisfying or does it just continue to numb until more and more is needed? Recently the photo with all of the different possible relationships of the Bible  has been going around the internet. Though a relationship between two people, of the opposite gender or the same gender, is rarely seen in the Bible I think that that is what God wanted relationships to be. Is it hard to be in a committed monogamous relationship? Yes but that is why we look to God for strength. God created humans to need Him and that is why a marriage is two people and God in a covenant together. That is why divorce is a bigger deal than many straight people and straight Christians think. It is not as easy for God to separate what He has brought together. Just because we have broken our covenant of marriage does not mean that God has as well. God has made covenants, promises to the humans He created. Those covenants are forever. Why as humans do we not see them as binding when we make them? God promised that He would never flood the earth again. If God can keep His promise, surely we can keep our marriage covenant with God’s help and guidance.

Something that I remember hearing and what has continued my search in seeking out answers in having a relationship with another man is someone said something along the lines of  “I better understand God’s love because of my relationship/marriage with my husband/wife”. I want to understand God’s love better as any Christian would. I want to be able to learn more about God and His amazing love through my husband.

As I have said before, I think that sex is the climax of love in a relationship. It does not come first. When you can not love someone any more than you already do, that is when sex comes in.  Before sex comes a meaningful relationship with someone else; getting to know them inside and out. There are possibly many reasons why the divorce rate is so high for straight Christians but let us not rush into sex too quickly. Sure, we all want it and God created it to be beautiful. Let that not hinder from truly getting the know the person that will be in a covenant with both you and God forever. Make sure there is a strong foundation before marriage and sex.

I had also mentioned that sex is about two people further exploring their love for one another in no way possible with anyone else. As humans we have become so obsessed with sex and how good in bed we can be. Sex is about discovery, not perfection. It is about finding what each other’s pleasures are and finding mutual love on a deeper level. One of the problems with gay porn is one guy tops and the other just takes it whether or not they are a bottom. Sex is not about being selfish and telling your husband that they have to do something sexually for you. It is about being selfless and loving your husband the greatest possible way. This does not mean that you are being forced to do anything you do not want to do but having a mutual agreement between the couple on what is acceptable an what is not. That is the difference between sex fueled by lust and sex fueled by love. Gay porn is sex fueled by lust.

Rick Santorum has been ridiculed for saying that porn should be banned in the United States and that he was going to fight for that to happen. I am not going to go that far but I would encourage to take the time and truly ponder this topic. If porn was truly helpful, why do I end up feeling empty and used afterwords? If it was truly helping me, it would help me and not give me more problems.

I think too we need to not idolize gay pornstars as much as we do. I will not disagree that some of them are really nice guys. There are also those who are straight and do gay porn for the money but that is another post altogether. We should be looking up to good role models. As a gay community, he need to remember our history and the people who worked hard to get us where we are. We need to remember them and look up to them and not guys who film their sexual encounters. There could be so much more done if gay porn stars would take up marriage equity or reaching out to gay teens struggling with their sexuality. It is just a waste of time to have sex with other men on film as a career.

Feel free to comment on this post. I know not everyone will agree with me and that is okay. I appreciate and respect all opinions. I never want anyone to feel judged by what I say because I do not mean that at all. My goal in all of my posts is to be real with all who read my blog about my experiences and opinions.

Have a great weekend!

-Josh


One response to “The Depth of Gay Porn

  • Rich

    I do not think that having a boyfriend dishonors your parents. While they should certainly be respected in their own home, you are now an adult and should be respected for what you do elsewhere. Of course, you may not wish to say anything about a boyfriend while living there in order to avoid any conflict and distress for all parties.
    I find the distressing thing about porn is the proliferation of what I think of as abusive or deviant. I know that may mean different things to different people so I will just leave it at that. I do not find fault with anyone for watching it when it does not hurt anyone, including the participants. They will be judged by what is in their hearts and not for having gay sex. I personally would think it unfortunate if any one idolized porn stars or thought it was a great way to make a living.
    You frequently provide us with much to think about. This is no exception.

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