While I am at work, I like to listen to the radio when working at the end of the line. It makes the time go faster and gives me motivation. With all of the candles that have been poured coming down to me, the time goes by fast as I am constantly busy. From cutting the wicks down to positioning the candles on carts to sit in a controlled temperature room to solidify, there is much to be done. In doing all this, I got to know the song “Titanium by David Guetta feauring Sia”. It would come on once or twice during the shift and I grew to like it more and more. It was not until this weekend that I actually looked at the lyrics. I like the lyrics more than the actual music of this song. This song really encouraged me as I go through things with my dad (and parents in general). The reality is though that I am not titanium. My strength does not come from myself or within but from God. He is my bulletproof vest. Through Him and because of Him I am strong. There is no other way. No matter what “bullets” consisting of his views my dad throws at me, God is protecting me from their lethal blow. He is giving me the strength and courage to get through this time of my life.
I was also encouraged by my pastor’s words this morning as he made the comment that we will not always have peace in doing God’s plan for our lives. For a while now I have had this sick feeling in my stomach as I continue to think about what I feel God is calling to do: to reach out to gay men in need and help them. Logically, it is what Jesus would do. A friend has told me that the sick feeling comes from the fact that I am not able to be myself and that is why I feel the way I do. Personally, I believe it is caused by fear, the fear of the unknown. Satan wants me to be fearful and not do what God has called me to do, to not bring hope to gay men who are struggling and in need. I am willing to move past this wrong feeling and grasp the fullness of what God has for me in the future, both heartache and blessing.
A specific verse we looked at was Luke 18:29 (NLT): ““Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life, and will have eternal life in the world to come.” This verse promises blessing in leaving behind people and things and pursuing the work of God’s Kingdom. I have been using my parents supporting me as a crutch and an excuse to not do God’s plan my life. Today has taught me that I really need to start breaking ties with my parents and to be more independent for their will be a day when I will be living on my own, working on my ministry to the world.
All of my life leads to this point of ministry. I have been blessed with the gift of organization and would do well in leading others. God has also lead me to find Joyce Meyer and be under her teaching. Personally, her church disagreed with what she wanted to do. She had to fight that hard fight and do what God wanted her to do over what other people said and thought. Now Luke 18:49 rings true in her life today. Since she has followed God’s call on her life, she is being blessed for it. Though I do not want to separate myself from my parents (and potentially my family) I am willing to do that to make a lasting impact in the lives of others for Jesus Christ. What would have happened if Joyce Meyer did not follow the call of God on her life? Millions of people would have not been helped by her ministry and she would be somewhere else living a miserable life. I am glad that Joyce Meyer took that hard fight to do God’s will in her life and as I look back on my life I hope there are people who are there to say that about me. If God wants something to be done, no person can interfere. That does not mean that there will be persecution because God also promises that as well. Joyce Meyer has been judged and criticized by many yet her ministry is still successful in reaching those in need.
So I press on in God’s strength to do what He has called me to do, letting nothing else get in the way.