Conversation With My Dad (8.30.12)

I was almost late for work today as my dad and I sat down for lunch and he brought up the topic of my sexuality because of an episode of Our America that I asked both of my parents to watch and give their opinions. I had found it because of the newer episode being advertised with an interview of Alan Chambers (Exodus International) having a more pro-gay stance than he used to, moving away from reparative therapy.

It was productive in the fact that he is realizing that there is a war between Christians and the gay community. There were also times that I was personally not impressed with my responses. He asked me if I felt pressure from him to marry a woman and I responded with yes and that is what most parents want for their children. My dad responded with I just want what is best for you, whether or not you are married. My side fell flat on that note. I do think my point was valid but it came out wrong.

He disagreed with me on the Bible being a book of morals and a history book. I thought this was a point all Christians could relate with but I guess not.

The big comment came when I again described Jay Michaelson’s view of Genesis 1-2. In saying that the first problem that God saw as bad was that man was alone so God gave him all the animals He had created to name them and find a suitable match but none was found. My dad comments with “Why don’t you get a dog? You can have Gracie.” (Gracie is a dog that we currently have that has attached to me.) I was offended by this. Getting a dog to help me stay single as a gay man yet have companionship. A dog is not the same as a person, let alone a friend or another man.

We also talked about him calling my sexuality a “struggle”. I told him that I see it as a gift and I honestly do. God made me gay for a reason and purpose and I do not regret being gay. Ultimately, like every other talk we had, he left me with no hope. Nothing will ever get better. The whole “Since you are gay, your life is just going to be miserable. Sorry” type of attitude. Jesus never left people without hope for the future so why does my dad see that as the only option?

To say the least, he does not get it. (During our talk, he still used “that lifestyle”). If he brings up my sexuality again, I will talk about it but I am done hitting a wall. What I was interested in when I sent them the episode was my mom’s opinion on the topic. My dad and I beat a dead horse when it comes to talking about my sexuality but my mom and I have not talked much at all though we are pretty close. I plan on asking her tomorrow so hopefully I can get her take on it.

I honestly wonder how he would respond if I asked what he would do if I married another man. There is definitely a curiosity in me but I will not risk asking that question.

Where I am at right now, I do not feel I need a boyfriend. Sure, I would like to be a relationship to love and be loved but God is working on me to better myself right now and the right man will come along in time. Being in a relationship used to be a big deal for me but now I am focused on bettering myself and my organization for gay men and that is what is exciting, what makes me get up in the morning. I still have a crush on someone and we are still getting to know each other but I am not banking on a relationship. I have joy where I am at on the road to where I am going.

-Josh

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