Monthly Archives: September 2012

Book Discussion: Choosing October Book

It is that time again to choose a new book for a new month.

Here are my suggestions for the October Book Discussion. Feel free to add any suggestions as well.

  • The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer – Colfer took the time out of his busy schedule to write a fairy tale story. I admire his work as Kurt on Glee. Being gay himself,  I want to support another gay man in his hard work and effort that he put into this book.
  • The God Box by Alex Sanchez – This was a possible option for September but wanted to bring it back again. It is a story but two young boy who fall in love and wrestle with their faith and sexuality.
  • Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community by Andrew Marin – I had the privilege to hearing him speak at my college. He has started the Marin Foundation that builds bridges between the gay community to the rest of the world. He and his foundation are most well known for making signs stating they are sorry for how Christians act towards the gay community and have given out hugs to the gay men that walk past during pride parades.

As well, feel free to let me know what types of books interest the readers of these discussions. I would like to always have books that the readers enjoy and are interested in. Thanks!

Have a great day!

-Josh


Respect

As any gay man, I read articles from gay magazines online. Occasionally, I will glance at the comments to see what others think about a certain topic. Usually I find many comments full of name calling from the gay community in opposition to someone who disagrees with them. This truly saddens me. Though we may not agree on sexual orientation and how that plays out within people’s lives, the least we can do is respect them as a person. We are all trying to live our lives to the best of our abilities. When we are disrespectful to people who do not share the same views, we are giving them a reason to not support us. No matter what other people do, may we never stoop down to name calling. I see the word “bigot” even being used so much that it is becoming just another word the gay community uses to name call.

There are many double standards within the gay community. Hopefully over time these will go away. Let us not be people who do not respect those who do not support us when it comes to our sexual orientation. Everyone has to wrestle with the topic of people being gay. For some it is easier than others but we should not judge people who are still on their journey to accepting gay people. Realistically, some people will never accept gay people but that should not discourage us. We need to be a positive example to those who are still wrestling with the topic and/or do not know of anyone personally who is gay. Let the world see that we are good moral citizens just like anyone else but name calling is not going to get us there or anywhere close. It will only close doors.

I encourage us all to be gay men who strive to be the best people we can be. To show respect to those who do not respect us. To be the better man at the end of the day. Though it is tough, those trials will build in us character that we can use for the rest of our lives.

Have a great rest of your week!

-Josh


Family Wedding

I had the wonderful opportunity of going to a family wedding yesterday. One of my mom’s aunt’s daughters was getting married. I have no clue what her relation would be to me but my family went to be supportive. The wedding itself was beautiful and simple. It was the first wedding of my adult life. As a kid, I had been to other weddings but I was so little I could not remember them.

As I watched the ceremony unfold, I listened closely to everything that was going on. I saw no reason why two men could not take each other in marriage; to announce to the world that they would be faithful to one another under God for the rest of their lives. It is truly something to be honored and praised. There was a female reverend and to see that was to see progress within the Church. Women also have been suppressed within the Church, not allowed to teach and be in leadership. Positive change is happening.

I thought about my own wedding and marriage. The fact that my parents hinder me from having something so beautiful and sacred. None of my extended family knows that I am gay as my parents do not want to deal with all the drama that goes along with that. Whenever my grandparents on my mom’s side are over, my parents are always around. I think my grandparents have a negative view of gay people simply because they do not know any of them specifically, unbeknownst to them that they do.

Honestly, I think that if I was married it would be the first gay marriage in my family. That is a blessing but also a huge responsibility. I do not want to loose family members over it though I was never really close to them to begin with. My mom’s side is not very religious at all and I would love to be a witness in what God is doing in my life as a gay Christian.

My dad’s side of the family we no longer talk to as they were giving information to my dad’s stepfather that they did not want given to him. That was the Christian side of the family. It is hard as well because my dad’s mother has cancer and since we are cut off from that side of the family, we have no idea how she is doing. Her sister thought it only right for her son to know when the rest of the family knew.

I never want the be one in the family that people think is too good for everyone else. I want to be a part of the family, even if I am gay. Sure, it will be awkward for some but I hope that we can learn from these experiences and grow closer to being a happy, loving family.

For now, I continue to grow deeper with God in my relationship with Him and bettering myself. God will bring the right men into my life at the right time. Marriage will come at the right time in my life. Just because I now have marriage on my mind does not mean I am ready for it. I need to know for myself that the man I am marrying is everything he should be and that I truly am ready to start the journey of a lifetime.

-Josh


How He Loves

Like any gay man, I struggled with my sexuality in middle school and high school. I did not really have anyone to talk to. It was just me dealing with this huge stress in my life. Since there was no one  else I felt I could go to, I would go to God. I would cry out to God tears streaming down my face, telling Him how I felt and hurt. He was always there for me. There was a reason God wanted to to go through that, what I would call, terrible time in my life. Having gone through it now, I am a stronger man and my relationship with God is stronger as well. God has a purpose and calling for my life. He wants me to cry out to Him when I am in need. He wants to bless me as a father his child.

Many gay men do not have good relationships with their fathers. Mine is no different. The wonderful thing though is what my dad lacks to provide me, God greatly provides everything I need. No matter how bad my dad has screwed up, I know I have a loving father figure in God who will never leave me and always love me unconditionally. I do not need to pretend to be someone else to be accepted. I come to God will all my baggage and give it to Him. We do not need to be perfect to come to God and for Him to love us.

To all gay men that read this and our struggling in one way or another with their sexuality, I would like to say “I love you buddy. We’re going to make it.” There is hope for a better future. There is always hope in God. I hope and pray that my readers would be able to see how much God loves them.

This video always makes me cry every time I watch it because I have lived it. I hope that this video encourages and reveals more of who God is.

God Bless,

Josh


Equality, Gay Marriage, and Porn

It has me wondering, when it comes to gay men, that they want their marriage to be legalized and to be seen as equal to straight couples. Why do some gay men think that it is okay to post pictures of two men having sex over public websites when straight people are not allowed to do that? If we were being completely fair, if one is banned so is the other. We are not being treated any differently because of our sexual orientation. That is just the rules. Posting images of that nature also fuels the stereotype that comes with gay people: that being gay is all about sex. It is not. If a person is truly for marriage equality, they would not post such images because it only sets us back farther from reaching our goal every time someone posts them.

To support marriage equality 100% is to ban gay porn entirely. There is nothing beneficial for anyone who is involved with the gay porn industry, whether a gay porn star or someone who watches gay porn – supporting the industry. It is only hurting gay monogamous relationships and reinforcing the stereotype associated with gay men. Personally, I try to  live my life in purity. Sex is an important issue for me and I want to wait until marriage until I give my body to another man, my husband. I do not want to see other men’s sexual encounters on the internet. Sex is an intimate and private activity between two people. When it is exploited and exposed, it becomes dirty and vile. Sex is a beautiful thing that God created. It is the deepest bond and the deepest portrayal of love one person could show to another. It further shows the coming together of two people in marriage. Two becoming one and creating something wonderful.

My heart goes out to those men who are involved in the gay porn industry. Being told what to do and with whom, no strings attached, not being loved but just being used. I wish them the best for their lives and if they want to get out of that industry, that they would be able to and to be able to start a new life. They are children of God just like I am. They should be seen as more valuable than just a piece of meat on a screen that other men lust after.

The gay porn industry would cease to exist if there was no market for it. It is the same with straight porn. It is up to the consumer to make the choice to stop funding this industry.

I know there will be people who do not agree with me on this topic and I am okay with that. My goal is to never change someone’s beliefs. We all have our own beliefs and I respect everyone else’s. I write this so that people will be encouraged to think about what is really going on in our world.

If there is something that I am not seeing about this topic or if there is another differing opinion on this topic, feel free to tell me in the comments. I would love to hear other people’s opinions on this topic, even if they do not agree with mine. Thanks!

I hope all my readers have a wonderful week ahead!

God Bless,

Josh


A Man In My Bed and Other Things

My dog Gracie usually lays on my bed as I am on my laptop. I had gotten home from work and was unwinding before I went to bed.  She took the opportunity to lay at the end of my bed and was hopeful that maybe she would be able to stay for the night. Well, she got her chance. I called her and she came up and laid her head on the pillows right next me. It was a cute movement. I turned off the light and petted her in the dark. For the first time, I thought about what it would truly be like to have another man in my bed. To know that someone else is there; another heart beat. To have companionship and for it to be shown in something as simple as sleeping in the same bed together. This is something I want for my life. I am glad I had this experience as it made me really grasp the concept of what it might be like in a married relationship with another man. It was too bad though that I woke multiple times that night as Gracie takes up as much room on the bed as she can. I was nearly falling off. I will just have to remember to only let her sleep in my bed when getting sleep is not as important for the next day.

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On Sunday, my dad asked me to give him what my biblical (according to the Bible) views were when it comes to my pro-gay stance on sexuality. Honestly, I do not know what his motives are for doing this. If he is honestly interested in knowing what I believe about my sexuality or is he just going to use it to show me that everything I believe is wrong like he has done in the past. It will take much work as I will create a document with all the verses on “homosexuality” and others that relate to it, including my thoughts on each. It will be long and take much of my time but at the end of the day I am doing this for me. I need to truly know what I believe but more importantly why. This will give me the opportunity.

One question that I have been pondering is “Why is my dad fighting me about my sexuality?” “What is the benefits, what does he gain in doing all of this?” Honestly, I am real and honest with him because I fight for our family to remain whole and unified. It would be wonderful if I could come back to my parent’s home for the holidays and see all of my siblings. We would be able to have a meal together and my husband would be there with me enjoying the fun and fellowship as well. No awkwardness would occur. We would just be one big loving family. I believe that God can do anything but it looks like my parents will never accept me. I will not go back for holidays because I do not see it fair to my husband or see them after I move out. There is always a spark of hope that they will accept me but it only a spark. There is always hope in God. There is always hope that one day things will be better than they are now. I do not believe that God wants people to separate from one another. He wants people to love and be united together but people can be stubborn. Sometimes the only option is separation.

-Josh


Blessing – Scott Alan

A friend and fellow blogger helped me find this beautiful song. It just pulls at my heartstrings and is truly what I would say to my parents. Scott Alan actually wrote this song for when he came out to his mother. It hits hard as well in the fact that my parents will never “give me their blessing.” At the end of the day, I accept their wishes but I will choose joy over torment. Enjoy!

-Josh