My dog Gracie usually lays on my bed as I am on my laptop. I had gotten home from work and was unwinding before I went to bed. She took the opportunity to lay at the end of my bed and was hopeful that maybe she would be able to stay for the night. Well, she got her chance. I called her and she came up and laid her head on the pillows right next me. It was a cute movement. I turned off the light and petted her in the dark. For the first time, I thought about what it would truly be like to have another man in my bed. To know that someone else is there; another heart beat. To have companionship and for it to be shown in something as simple as sleeping in the same bed together. This is something I want for my life. I am glad I had this experience as it made me really grasp the concept of what it might be like in a married relationship with another man. It was too bad though that I woke multiple times that night as Gracie takes up as much room on the bed as she can. I was nearly falling off. I will just have to remember to only let her sleep in my bed when getting sleep is not as important for the next day.
On Sunday, my dad asked me to give him what my biblical (according to the Bible) views were when it comes to my pro-gay stance on sexuality. Honestly, I do not know what his motives are for doing this. If he is honestly interested in knowing what I believe about my sexuality or is he just going to use it to show me that everything I believe is wrong like he has done in the past. It will take much work as I will create a document with all the verses on “homosexuality” and others that relate to it, including my thoughts on each. It will be long and take much of my time but at the end of the day I am doing this for me. I need to truly know what I believe but more importantly why. This will give me the opportunity.
One question that I have been pondering is “Why is my dad fighting me about my sexuality?” “What is the benefits, what does he gain in doing all of this?” Honestly, I am real and honest with him because I fight for our family to remain whole and unified. It would be wonderful if I could come back to my parent’s home for the holidays and see all of my siblings. We would be able to have a meal together and my husband would be there with me enjoying the fun and fellowship as well. No awkwardness would occur. We would just be one big loving family. I believe that God can do anything but it looks like my parents will never accept me. I will not go back for holidays because I do not see it fair to my husband or see them after I move out. There is always a spark of hope that they will accept me but it only a spark. There is always hope in God. There is always hope that one day things will be better than they are now. I do not believe that God wants people to separate from one another. He wants people to love and be united together but people can be stubborn. Sometimes the only option is separation.