I had the wonderful opportunity of going to a family wedding yesterday. One of my mom’s aunt’s daughters was getting married. I have no clue what her relation would be to me but my family went to be supportive. The wedding itself was beautiful and simple. It was the first wedding of my adult life. As a kid, I had been to other weddings but I was so little I could not remember them.
As I watched the ceremony unfold, I listened closely to everything that was going on. I saw no reason why two men could not take each other in marriage; to announce to the world that they would be faithful to one another under God for the rest of their lives. It is truly something to be honored and praised. There was a female reverend and to see that was to see progress within the Church. Women also have been suppressed within the Church, not allowed to teach and be in leadership. Positive change is happening.
I thought about my own wedding and marriage. The fact that my parents hinder me from having something so beautiful and sacred. None of my extended family knows that I am gay as my parents do not want to deal with all the drama that goes along with that. Whenever my grandparents on my mom’s side are over, my parents are always around. I think my grandparents have a negative view of gay people simply because they do not know any of them specifically, unbeknownst to them that they do.
Honestly, I think that if I was married it would be the first gay marriage in my family. That is a blessing but also a huge responsibility. I do not want to loose family members over it though I was never really close to them to begin with. My mom’s side is not very religious at all and I would love to be a witness in what God is doing in my life as a gay Christian.
My dad’s side of the family we no longer talk to as they were giving information to my dad’s stepfather that they did not want given to him. That was the Christian side of the family. It is hard as well because my dad’s mother has cancer and since we are cut off from that side of the family, we have no idea how she is doing. Her sister thought it only right for her son to know when the rest of the family knew.
I never want the be one in the family that people think is too good for everyone else. I want to be a part of the family, even if I am gay. Sure, it will be awkward for some but I hope that we can learn from these experiences and grow closer to being a happy, loving family.
For now, I continue to grow deeper with God in my relationship with Him and bettering myself. God will bring the right men into my life at the right time. Marriage will come at the right time in my life. Just because I now have marriage on my mind does not mean I am ready for it. I need to know for myself that the man I am marrying is everything he should be and that I truly am ready to start the journey of a lifetime.