On Sunday, Brendon and I had scheduled to meet and hang out at the local coffee place. I took the time to dress up a little more with a sweater and nice jeans. We see each other in a t-shirt and shorts all the time so I wanted to be able to show him more of who I was than just my work clothes. I got to the coffee place early to clear my head and prepare. He texts me at 2pm, the time we agreed to meet to ask if we were still on. I texted back yes and whenever he could get there was fine. He was fifteen minutes late from the time we agreed on. I did not know how to take it. He was probably busy but it just made me a bit more uncomfortable. Though at the time it was a little frustrating, him being late said that it was not a date and that was my intention. He also did not dress specifically for meeting together further saying to me indirectly that it was not a date. At this point, I really like his company. I really need it in my life. His personality has multiple things that turn me off and I still wonder if I really am attracted to him. I really love his eyes as they are big and full of personality. They have so much to say.
It was hard talking to him because I knew so much about him but did not want to come across like I did. He asked me my age and then asked me to guess his. I knew his from his Facebook but I did not tell him that is where I found it. It was not until last night that I texted him and told him about what happened with Facebook. His internet is down so he never got my message.
He mostly talked and we talked about work. He has a harder job than I do and people that just do not want to work or help him. I feel for him and wish I could be there to help.
In talking, he told me that he has a gay brother who is a year younger than him. He was diagnosed with HIV and the man that gave it to him gave it to him on purpose. His brother is going to go after the man legally. My heart was tugged on and it was yet another reminder of how important launching my business is – how needed it is. For a while his brother was paying $10,000 a month for medication for HIV and also eye medication as he had a condition that if he did not take it he would go blind. Brendon does a good job in making sure he spends time with his brother and keeps him thinking positive. I honestly do not know what I would do if I got HIV. My heart goes out to Brendon’s brother and I wish him the best in his fight with HIV. For Brendon to tell me that his brother had HIV made HIV so much more real to me. Previously, I did not know anyone who had it.
It was getting to be 4pm and my parents where texting me to come home for dinner. I had to leave but I could have talked with Brendon for a couple more hours. He suggested that we should do a movie sometime so hopefully we will do that on a weekend when we are both free. He also texted me later to say that he had fun having coffee with me.
Since then he texts me everyday and I text him back. We talked about sexuality two nights ago. I felt like we were dodging it so I came out to him. He already knew but I just needed to say it so we could move on in our friendship. He told me he was bisexual but he does not really know. He does not want to put a label on it and I respect him for that. I look forward to talking to him more about it and trying to understand what that is like. I had a friend in college who was bisexual but he had given up women from a bad relationship. I always just saw him as a gay brother. I realized I did not respect that fact that he was bisexual but I learned from that. Brendon told me “I feel when I look in your eyes that it will be ok.” referring to his sexuality. As any LGBT person, he is afraid of losing his friends and family. I am glad to have him in my life and to be able to wrestle with these issues together. Hopefully I can help Brendon be confident in who he is. It shows how much I have grown. Two years ago someone came alongside me as I was terribly wrestling with my sexuality and faith and now I have that opportunity to turn around and help someone else. I am grateful for the experience.
(Photo courtesy of Welcome to the New Age via Tumblr)