Opening the Door

On Wednesday, Brendon texted me while I was on break at work:

“I think about you a lot. What do I need to do for your door to be open?”

Honestly, I was surprised but I let him know that Sarah got in the way of us and also my parent’s views on my sexuality. My mom is still in the process of responding to me when it comes to me having a boyfriend or marrying another man. He then responded with:

“Okay. I’m going to talk to her today. It is not going to work out.”

I texted him when I got off of work and we talked on the phone. He ended his relationship with her. All Sarah wanted to do was change him and Brendon did not want to feel like a puppet anymore. He disliked that she showed no emotion in their break up and even knew that it was coming. She told him that she is not going to the Bible Study they both attended because she does not like it. That made her look like a hypocrite in his eyes. She was still willing to go out and celebrate Brendon getting hired in at the place where we both work. Brendon does not even want to do that. He is done being manipulated.

He did not tell her about us but maybe she suspected it. She deserves the truth but Brendon said there was already enough reason to break up with her that he did not need that “final blow”. He really tried to be nice about everything. In the beginning, he had feelings for her but the more she controlled him the more they grew apart. It is Brendon’s call if he wanted to tell her or not. I have always been and always will be a person of honesty and integrity but it is not my place to say anything and make this even worse for Brendon. The break up is the best for all of us.

No matter what Brendon would do, Sarah would always want something more. The break up was the escape from a emotional prison. Being a Christian, she wanted to do what was best for him in her eyes but she refused to learn and understand his life and situation. I think she refused to believe he was bisexual. He has a hard life. He is in debt over his head and trying to pay that all off, his family is very dramatic, he works four different jobs, and his brother is dying of AIDS. He does not need another person to come into his life and cause more drama. I want to wipe away all the pain and hurt he feels. The difference between Sarah and I is I will work with Brendon instead of against him. I think Sarah meant well and was on the right track in trying to help him but the way she went about things was not what Brendon needed.

I do not look down on Sarah for who she is or what she did to Brendon in this short period of time. She is a person just like everyone else who was trying to do her best but it just was not enough. What Brendon told me about her will not fog my view of her. He just has different experiences with her than I do. I will not deny what she did to Brendon but she is not a completely bad person. What saddens me the most is I felt that I fought for Sarah more than he even did. He probably would have cheated on Sarah with me if I had not put my foot down and said that was not going to happen. I was not going to let him cheat for her sake and I was not going to be the person he cheated with. He has enough drama in his life, he does not need even more. Sure, this was a messy situation but I think it was handled the best way it could have been handled.

Brendon and I are continuing to keep in contact and hopefully a relationship will be coming up in our future. I still have doubts and insecurities about us  and I keep those in mind but I am going to give Brendon a fair chance. Deep down I believe that Brendon is a good man that has not always chosen the right choices in life and right now he is paying for those choices. Hopefully I can be there to help him navigate through life easier and share something special between the two of us. Hopefully he will not be lonely for much longer.

-Josh

(Photo Courtesy of Welcome to the New Age via Tumblr)

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