Brendon surprised me with a ring yesterday! Not a wedding ring, but a promise ring that he would love me and to do what it takes in our relationship together. I had always wanted a ring since we were both playing with his one day I was over. He has a ring with The Lord’s Prayer engraved all around it. When he bought it, he knew it was meant to be as he put it on and it fit perfectly. He wanted to get me a ring very badly so he tried to hurry up and get it before I came over. Where he went there was not much selection so the ring that he go me does not fit as well as it should. (His fingers are bigger than mine.) It is a little loose. We are thinking that I am probably a 7 or 8 but I have never been officially sized. Not to worry, he had a back-up plan. He gave me a chain to wear the ring “close to my heart” as he put it. I would love to have a ring on my finger but I know I will soon. I really appreciate that he did this for me because it makes me feel so special.
As we were talking he told me that he thought about proposing to me but felt like it was too soon. I think this year of being apart will only make us stronger. 2014 will be our year as we move in together and get married. I look forward to the day with anticipation when we pick out our wedding bands together. Marriage has been a topic that has not been shied away from yet there is nothing set as something we have to do. On one hand I feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders to have a wedding with both of our families there. To stand and make a statement that I love another man and that all people should be able to marry the person they love. At the same time, I would not want to have to deal with the drama of having a family wedding. Running off and getting married sounds great. Brendon even mentioned just inviting a couple friends. I do not want to shy away from my responsibility as a gay man or have people in my family think I think I am better than them because I never talk to or see them. It is my one day to feel loved and special. I will only get this once in my lifetime. It is a big deal to me and I would like if it could go as smoothly as possible. In talking, Brendon brought up that he thought about having our wedding under the stars. At first, it totally was not what I had thought but the more I think about it the more romantic it sounds so that option is also on the table.
The big thing that stands in my way is my parents. They know nothing about Brendon and I – our relationship together. Both of them have been open to talking about him. I am glad to see that. My mom said in talking to me once that she wonders where Brendon and I are – what our status is. I just want a good time alone with her to talk about it. There is also some fear in what she might say as I honestly do not know if they will support me marrying Brendon. I would really appreciate thoughts and prayers as I go through with this. It is one thing coming out, it is another to be honest about the rest of it. I wish it could be easier; that they accepted me more so I would not have to fear coming to them saying I found someone I want to live the rest of my life with. I can only be realistic and hope for the best. Great love cannot be separated. I care about my family and want to be a part of their lives but Brendon makes me happy and at peace. He lets me unwind and love life for what its worth. Hard decisions may be coming up for me down the road but that is life. All I can do is choose the best one and move on.
(Photo Courtesy of Pablo Needs Amused via Tumblr)