Where Do We Go Now?



Brendon and I had the opportunity to spend the weekend together. We even had time to hang out with his brother Ethan and boyfriend Keith again and started packing things away to move. Last week Brendon was able to get a house in the town that I live in. He will not have to drive 30 minutes to see me or go to work. There are many benefits to the move. When he finishes paying the rest of the security deposit, he will be given the keys to move in. With the move, we will be able to hang out more. Usually if we do go out during the week, we go out to eat and just talk and hang out in his car after they close. Now we will be able to have a place to stay together.

We both realize that we are going fast in our relationship but that just is the pace we are going. I brought up marriage again since we both want to be intimate with one another. We believe we should be married before we have sex. As we thought about it, we could not find a concrete way to do things. In researching laws in Ohio, civil unions and same sex marriage are banned in the state. Only certain cities allow domestic partnerships and that is it. I think we also came to the conclusion that we do not want our families there though I feel obligated to stand up for LGBT people by having a wedding with my family there. Then again it is my day and I would not want it to be ruined though there may be hard feelings. There may be a vote on same sex marriages in Ohio this year but can we honestly wait that long? Will it even pass?

We could always just get wedding bands and just say we are married though we are not legally. I do not know what to do or what the right decision for us is yet. Our lives hold us back from getting married. With my college loan debt that I need to pay off and being accepted by the landlord to be allowed to live in Brendon’s apartment, life is telling us to wait yet we are ready for the next step.

I also wonder how to be pure sexually in all of this. We are ready to love each other on the deepest level possible. We are ready to commit our whole lives to each other. I do not have any other knowledge than the experiences that I live but when it is two guys we are both just revving to go sexually. I know most people will say it is fine to have sex with Brendon before marriage but I want to do what is right and I would like to have favor on our relationship together. 

It makes me sad to see what LGBT people have to go through in the state of Ohio. I honestly feel trapped and that I do not really have any options. What have others done in the past to overcome this obstacle? I do not blame gay people for having random sex when they honestly cannot be married or have to settle for something less than what they want. There is also moving to a state that would legally allow us to marry as an option. 

Right now we are just living day by day. I am going into work to pay off my college loans and be one step closer into being Brendon’s husband. If there is any advice to be given, I would appreciate it. I want to do what is best for Brendon and what is best for us.

God Bless,


Photo Courtesy of Be Yourself (Strawberries Are Blue) via Tumblr


7 responses to “Where Do We Go Now?

  • Christian

    Honestly I agree with you. It’s virtually impossible to be gay and wait until marriage to have sex because we aren’t allowed to get married. That being said, if you feel that you love the person you’re with enough to have sex, go for it. The important thing is realizing that you love the person unconditionally and deeply, and it seems you already have. It doesn’t feel right to wait for politicians to ultimately decide when you can have sex. Just my thoughts 😀

    • jmtromm

      Thank you for your advice.

      Just to clarify, it is not politicians that decide whether or not gay marriage is legalized. Ohio is in the process of hopefully allowing gay marriage but petitions need to be signed, signatures collected. When they have enough, the voters of the state will vote on it. The majority voting on a minority’s rights. There has been some controversy about this but it seems that the tides are changing. The three states that had gay marriage on the ballot in 2012 passed.

      • Christian

        But it still seems that someone else is making the decision. True, it’s the people of the state, but what’s important about marriage is the unconditional love you give to each other, and sex is a part of that. I just don’t want to wait for other people to decide if they’re going to consider everyone getting married to be “legal” or not, but that’s just my personal opinion.

      • jmtromm

        That is understandable.

        What Brendon and I plan to do is to just get married our way when I move in with him the beginning of next year and then get legally married when it is legal.

  • Redeem the Rainbow

    I’m really impressed by your frank posts. You’re an encouragement to us all out there.

    And I also strongly respect you both for wanting to be married to each other before you guys have sex. It’s not an easy road. Many people will disagree with you. And you’ll often question, “What’s the point?” But this post really shows your desire to do things well, and to love each other wholeheartedly.

    • jmtromm

      Thank you!

      Now being in a relationship makes my blog harder to write posts as I know Brendon is reading them. I want to be sensitive to his feelings. That is why there is not as much of them. It will help our relationship though – talking about what goes on between us. There is more I could say but that is another post waiting for approval. 🙂

  • ahronhay10

    Keep your head up! I commend you for staying sexually pure. I feel like it’s a tough thing to do in general, but it’s very tough to do in the lgbt community because certain laws are not established for same sex couples. Fortunately Maryland allows gay marriage now, which is great, however, I haven’t met the right man to marry yet. I really enjoy reading your blog. I have to catch up on your other recent post.

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