Tag Archives: gay relationships

A New Tradition

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Brendon and I have decided to start a new tradition for us. Our local Lemonberry is open for an hour after I get off work so we will head over there every Friday night to celebrate another week successfully completed and enjoy some frozen yogurt. Last week I got Raspberry and White Chocolate Mousse. Yum! The store also just so happens to be on the town square where there is a beautiful Gazebo and places to sit in the center of town. After that we will go back to his parents’ house and sleep over together.

We are both missing each other but this time and opportunity only grows us closer together. I continue to pay off my college loan. A crutch though may be some medical bills that I have recently acquired. Two bills both around $500. This could add another month onto waiting to get a place together but I have been getting overtime and hopefully that will buffer it.

The one bill was simply put on my bed; having been addressed to my father and had been opened. I guess he wants me to pay it but yet does not communicate or even talk to me about it.

We are both looking forward to celebrating the Fourth of July, my birthday, and our trip to Kennywood.  

God Bless,

Josh


Young & Beautiful

Colbra

Last week, Brendon and I had the chance to catch “The Great Gatsby” at the movie theater after I got off work. (We were both shocked that it’s $10.25 a piece to see a movie now.) It had been a book that we had both read in high school and knowing it was a love story, it could not be that bad if it was not that great of a movie. Overall, I enjoyed it though the beginning was slow. I love the signature song: Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey. I like the quality of her voice. One current trend of music has been women with unique voice qualities like Lana Del Rey, Florence Welch from Florence and the Machine, and Adele. The chorus is really touching:

Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful? 

Will you still love me when I have nothing but an aching soul?

I know you will. I know you will. I know that you will.

Will you still love me when I’m no longer beautiful?

During the movie, I thought of Brendon when it played. We are meant for each other even when we are no longer young and beautiful. Our hearts will forever be entwined in each other.

This week I had a minor surgery. The doctor has made me take off work. It has given Brendon and I more time to see each other. He has been over every single day after work. That has been nice. He even surprised me with a box full of gifts to help me recover from my surgery. He is just so sweet.

Right now we are both looking for different jobs. The current company we work for is on the verge of collapse if not turned around from the direction they are headed in. I am looking into possibly doing retail for Yankee Candle Company. I have never done retail before but think I would enjoy it. Just trying to take the next step in my life.

God Bless,

Josh

(Photo of Brandon Brown and Colby Melvin Courtesy of Facebook)


Easter

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Easter went better than either of us could have expected. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have a husband in my parent’s house sitting down and eating a meal. My parents genuinely liked Brendon and Brendon liked them. Brendon is a handy man; loves to fix things. He was able to connect in a way with my dad that I never could. We had dinner and slipped away into the basement where we watched The Guardians, that my siblings had rented, wrapped up together in a blanket. A sweet happy time together. My grandparents did not ask anything about us being together. I do not know if my mom has talked about it with my grandma but I have never said anything about my sexuality to them. My parents had always not wanted me to talk about it. Now we are in a different phase than before. Brendon’s family did invite him to have dinner with them last minute. After finishing the movie, dessert, and going for a walk; he went over to spend time with his family.

My mom later commented that she loves Brendon and I and cannot help being a mom to him though she does not believe that our relationship is right. I can respect that. I am glad that she sees that we are together and I did not have to point it out.

(Photo Courtesy of Pablo Needs Amused via Tumblr)

 


The Next Phase Of Our Relationship

Colby & Brandon

In spending time together yesterday, Brendon brought up the next phase of our relationship. With much stress in his life now, he has decided to move back home to become more financially stable. His current move has only put him deeper in debt and stressed him out more than ever. I can see and understand the decision. More than anything; I support him as I know it is hard to do but it will be best for our future. He sees it as an opportunity to help out his family and himself at the same time. His mom could use the help and he wants to be there for Ethan as he continues his journey with AIDS. When it comes to time together, it will force us to go out and do something: go to the park, out to eat, or to the movies. Mostly we have just lounged around on the weekends because we are both tired from the stressful work week.  I think it will help us deepen and strengthen our relationship even more. There is also the option of going back to his parents house to watch a movie and cuddle.

It can be difficult going over to his parent’s house because of his step-dad Tony. None of Brendon’s friends and family really care for Tony and I do not really either but I make the best of it. I remind myself that I need to love him as I would anyone else though he can be a challenge to get along with. In time it is also a possibility that he could hang out at my parent’s house.

Since Brendon’s family was not really planning anything for Easter, my mom invited him over to share a meal with us and hang out. My mom has meet him in passing but this is the first time my family will meet him. My mom’s parents will also be joining us for Easter. They have no clue I am gay. Both Brendon and I are nervous about it but it should be easier than dinner with his family. Though each of our families have their little quirks, we can always work with the one that is easier to deal with. I am interested to see how my brother reacts to us as he is anti-gay marriage and anti-gay in general. It sounds like a recipe for disaster but I am hoping for the best. Hopefully everyone will have control and posse to not make this family dinner more awkward than it needs to be.

God Bless,

Josh

(Colby J. Melvin & Brandon Brown Photo Courtesy of Facebook)


Update

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Brendon and I have now been together 3 months and “married” for a month. It has been an adventure. Not so good this past Saturday as we headed to a production of Guys and Dolls that my high school had put on but even more amazing than I had thought on Sunday. A roller coaster of emotions on the track of life and relationship. More than anything, I am glad he is there and that I am there to be able to be there for him. 

I decided that I am not going to audition for the summer theatre shows in my community. A local theatre company will be doing The Rocky Horror Show in October. Just an ensemble part in the show would be enough for me. They are also doing The Importance Of Being Earnest in May so I hopefully will audition for that as well. 

Currently there has been restlessness between Brendon and one of his neighbors. To put simply: there are too loud. Loud TV, loud yelling – both the mother and the daughter, even being able to hear his neighbor pee through the wall. He is thinking about moving again to another place in our town that would be cheaper and better for him. There is many problems with where he lives now in his own place and with the neighbors. He wants to talk to the landlord about soundproofing the walls between them but with the lack of action that the landlord has taken thus far I doubt he will want to do anything about it. Brendon’s medicine cabinet and back door knob are still broken from when he moved in even after he called the landlord. The driveway is yet another nightmare that needs to be changed and worked on. Brendon was also thinking about getting a roommate as he says he is lonely but i think he is too fed up with the neighbors that moving seems to be the better option. 

I am looking forward to living together with Brendon. It will be different than anything I have known before. The reason why we have not already is I would like to get all my debt payed off before I move in. Free my money up to live and not have to balance a college payment with everything else. Brendon is willing to work with me but I would rather be able to pay my fair share for everything. We will see what happens with that. 

Things are looking up! Hope is always here!

-Josh

(Colby J. Melvin & Brandon Brown Photo Courtesy of Facebook)


Ring

Acceptance

Brendon surprised me with a ring yesterday! Not a wedding ring, but a promise ring that he would love me and to do what it takes in our relationship together. I had always wanted a ring since we were both playing with his one day I was over. He has a ring with The Lord’s Prayer engraved all around it. When he bought it, he knew it was meant to be as he put it on and it fit perfectly. He wanted to get me a ring very badly so he tried to hurry up and get it before I came over. Where he went there was not much selection so the ring that he go me does not fit as well as it should. (His fingers are bigger than mine.) It is a little loose. We are thinking that I am probably a 7 or 8 but I have never been officially sized. Not to worry, he had a back-up plan. He gave me a chain to wear the ring “close to my heart” as he put it. I would love to have a ring on my finger but I know I will soon. I really appreciate that he did this for me because it makes me feel so special.

As we were talking he told me that he thought about proposing to me but felt like it was too soon. I think this year of being apart will only make us stronger. 2014 will be our year as we move in together and get married. I look forward to the day with anticipation when we pick out our wedding bands together. Marriage has been a topic that has not been shied away from yet there is nothing set as something we have to do. On one hand I feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders to have a wedding with both of our families there. To stand and make a statement that I love another man and that all people should be able to marry the person they love. At the same time, I would not want to have to deal with the drama of having a family wedding. Running off and getting married sounds great. Brendon even mentioned just inviting a couple friends. I do not want to shy away from my responsibility as a gay man or have people in my family think I think I am better than them because I never talk to or see them. It is my one day to feel loved and special. I will only get this once in my lifetime. It is a big deal to me and I would like if it could go as smoothly as possible. In talking, Brendon brought up that he thought about having our wedding under the stars. At first, it totally was not what I had thought but the more I think about it the more romantic it sounds so that option is also on the table.

The big thing that stands in my way is my parents. They know nothing about Brendon and I – our relationship together. Both of them have been open to talking about him. I am glad to see that. My mom said in talking to me once that she wonders where Brendon and I are – what our status is. I just want a good time alone with her to talk about it. There is also some fear in what she might say as I honestly do not know if they will support me marrying Brendon. I would really appreciate thoughts and prayers as I go through with this. It is one thing coming out, it is another to be honest about the rest of it. I wish it could be easier; that they accepted me more so I would not have to fear coming to them saying I found someone I want to live the rest of my life with.  I can only be realistic and hope for the best. Great love cannot be separated. I care about my family and want to be a part of their lives but Brendon makes me happy and at peace. He lets me unwind and love life for what its worth. Hard decisions may be coming up for me down the road but that is life. All I can do is choose the best one and move on.

God Bless,

Josh

(Photo Courtesy of Pablo Needs Amused via Tumblr)


The Breaking Down of Walls

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In looking back on my time with Brendon on Saturday, it was difficult to go through but it has made us both stronger. It made us grow closer in a way that we never would have had without the difficulty.

Erin’s boyfriend Jason happened to spend the night prior so when we got there they were both in the shower together. There has been tension between Erin and Brendon about numerous things, one of them being asking him if Jason could come over. She simply invited him without seeing if it would be fine. I had the chance of meeting Jason before they both left to go get lunch. He is definitely not what I expected when it would come to Erin’s baby’s dad. He seems like a nice guy and I hope everything works out with the two of them getting a place and having the baby together. In the last time I was over there, Erin let us know that we were the godparents of this baby. She does not really have anyone else to care for it if something happened to her and Jason. I appreciate that but Brendon and I are in agreement that we do not need to have kids to be a happy family. Honestly, I would not want to be stuck with Erin’s kid because she does not care about if she gets pregnant or not. If God places that baby in our hands, we will do the best we can to take care of it but I would rather not have to see that day. No matter what it is going to be tough for Erin and Jason to raise this baby but they need to take responsibility for their actions.

Brendon got me a blanket incorporating my favorite colors and with his cologne sprayed all over it along with a heart shaped box of miniature Resse’s Cups. I drew him a picture with the lyrics to our song in a heart with our initials and anniversary date. I like our romantic side of the relationship. In hard financial times, it is more than enough to just have him but I appreciate the work he put in to get me that gift.

I smiled as well when I saw that he had set his wallpaper on his computer to the picture I used for my “Official” post. He thinks it is so us. I agree. That lead us to say that we needed some pictures of the two of us. I do not know when that will happen.

We watched a couple of episodes of Dog Eat Dog. I had never seen the show before but I enjoyed it. Basically it is a show where people are playing against each other trying to win money by doing different timed physical challenges . We also played some Uno. In the process of this, Erin brings up her Sweet Tea story. Brendon and Erin went to McDonalds. Erin ordered a Sweet Tea. There was too much ice in the cup so the cup punctured and the tea came out of the cup. Eventually Sweet Tea was all over her and all over Brendon’s car. I called Brendon an “idiot” for letting that happen when he could have intervened and stopped the mess. When I said that, I just saw his face deflate. I later apologized for this. My emotions had gotten the best of me. I was just shocked that Brendon did nothing to help the situation. If it would have been me, he would have done everything he could to stop it.

Erin came up again in discussion with Brendon asking me if I thought he was a bad person. I said maybe and Brendon went to the bathroom and to do the dishes from dinner.  I just sat in the living room with my thoughts. My mind went to the fact that I cannot be with someone who is not going love other people. To ignore what was going on I did not agree with. I honestly thought about breaking up with Brendon because of this. But then my mind went to our song. The words “I won’t give up on us” came to my mind. This was just a test for us. This was really our first argument. It seems silly that it was over a Sweet Tea but that is what it was.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. That even though what I thought Brendon needed was not really what he needed. Brendon was hurt himself. With much to bear, he was channeling the hurt he had on Erin. Though it was not right he needed help. He needed me. I put down justice and picked up love instead. I will never forget sitting on the couch with him and he telling me that it is hard for him to help others when deep inside he is screaming for help himself. Tears come to my eyes every time I remember this. A wall was torn down in his moment. Brendon has tried to be independent because he has been hurt so much by other people. He tries the best he can but people use him and make his life worse. He cried and I did not know what to do. I just wanted him to know I was there for him and if he needed anything; I was there. We hugged.  He let me know that he felt that he was losing the one good thing in his life. I reassured him that that I was not going anywhere. I was distant in that situation because I wanted to give Brendon his space if he needed it. Though I like to resolve conflict quickly, I wanted to be sensitive to Brendon as well.

Erin will be moving to her mom’s house this week so much stress will be off Brendon. He will also be moving later this month himself. Though life is tough we get through. Brendon has many positive things ahead of him. He tried to do a good thing for Erin but it became toxic. It was nice to get to meet Erin from my perspective. Though Brendon and I disagree on the way things are handled, I give Brendon a lot of credit for taking in his ex-finance in her time of need. At the end of the day, Erin was helped in this situation. I think it is hard for both of them because they are both hurting in different ways.

I hope that with time Brendon will be able to trust me more and let me help him if he needs.  As boyfriends, we are together. His problems are mine. I care about all that is happening in his life. If he needs help, I am more than willing to go the distance.

-Josh

(Photo Courtesy of Gay-Romance via Tumblr)